


The Whimsical World of Weasleys (Is A Small World After All)

by mmmdraco



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-16
Updated: 2012-07-16
Packaged: 2017-11-10 02:51:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/461430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mmmdraco/pseuds/mmmdraco
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry gets fed up with redheads. (Epilogue compliant!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Whimsical World of Weasleys (Is A Small World After All)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters in this story are mine only in spirit and voice. Their "likenesses", names, categorizing features, favourite activities (other than the randiness I like to make them engage in), studies, teachers, friends, acquaintances, etc., etc., belong to J.K. Rowling and not me.

"Ron, when the door opens, I want you to rush out into the alley, but don't fire, okay?"

Ron turned his head to Harry and balked. "Are you completely nutters?"

"No. It'll work." He spotted the glint of metal as the doors began to swing out. "There, Ron. Go!"

Hesitating, Ron finally threw himself forward just as the first former Death Eater came out the door. The man took note of the situation, aimed his wand, and promptly fainted. The other members, as well as two young witches with them, followed suit. "Ha! Brilliant, Harry. What was it?"

Harry came out from behind the rubbish bin that had been hiding his feet and pulled off the Invisibility Cloak that had been passed down in his family for generations. "A new jinx I worked out, or don't you believe me?"

"What? Harry, what's with you, mate?"

He ran his hand through his hair. "Just... I'm your friend, Ron, and your boss, and your partner. It's been over 25 years we've known each other, and you still think I'm going to send you to your death by asking you to staple your reports instead of paperclipping!"

Ron flushed scarlet. "It's not that I don't trust you-"

"Yeah? Could've fooled me." He shook his head and shoved his glasses up his nose. "Think you can finish this up on your own, or need help escorting them to the Ministry?"

Ron nodded and twiddled his wand between his fingers. "I can handle it. Go on home and see Ginny. Maybe she can sort you out."

Harry turned on the spot and Disapparated to the Ministry where he punched the time clock as hard as he could. (It had been his idea to create a time clock that you actually punched - it read the magical signature of whoever touched it with any force, and got our some aggression besides.) From there, he took the Floo home.

Ginny was asleep on the couch when he walked in. He approached her and gave her a nudge. She blinked her eyes open slowly. "Hm? Harry? You're home early."

Harry glanced at the clock. "Not really. I'm actually an hour late."

"Shite! Oh, just a minute, Harry, and I'll get dinner ready."

Harry followed behind her as she rushed into the kitchen. She immediately ran back to the living room to grab her wand from where she had left it on the coffee table. She smiled at Harry and grabbed a pot. "Chicken Kiev?"

"I hate Chicken Kiev."

"Do you?" Ginny asked as she magicked about butter and spices.

"Yes, in fact, I do." Harry took off his work robes. "You know, forget dinner for me. I think I'm going to go out for a drink."

"You can have a drink here, Harry, unless you're going to go out with Ron?"

"Right, Ron. Sure." Harry went upstairs and changed and kissed Ginny's cheek absentmindedly before taking the Floo over to his usual pub. He got a pint and started in on it before seeing Bill and George walk in the door. Harry got up and made for the Floo again. He stood in front of the fire for a bit before deciding where to go. "Oh, hell," he thought as he dropped a pinch of green powder on the flames. "Malfoy Manor."

The Malfoy Floo actually popped him out in a firepit. Harry took the time to brush off his clothes before approaching the front door and knocking. Draco answered the door in silk, paisley-print pajamas and a green and silver smoking jacket. "Potter, what brings you out here?"

"Malfoy. Any chance I can come in for a drink?"

Draco looked down at his own attire, then pulled out his wand and transfigured Harry's clothes into a pair of Quidditch pajamas with a Golden Snitch saying "Catch This!" in shining gold letters. "There. Now it's a pajama party. If you drink too much, I am not letting any of my house elves take you home." He led the way inside.

Harry saw the liquor cabinet before Draco even pointed it out. He opened it and pulled out two glasses, "Gin to start?"

Draco nodded and pulled up a chair for each of them. "What brings you here?"

Harry stopped mid-pour. "Hmm?" He righted the bottle before any spilled. "Ha. Just needed to avoid a certain hair color."

"Weasleys." Draco grabbed his glass and tapped Harry's. "To blondes and brunettes."

"Hear, hear."

Draco tossed his liquor back like a seasoned pro, then looked to Harry over the rim of the empty glass. "Was it the partner or the missus?"

Harry took a long slow sip of his gin - he'd always been one to prefer to nurse his drinks to help avoid getting smashed. He sighed and tongued a drop of the liquid from the corner of his mouth. "Both, actually. Ron thinks I'm incompetent and Ginny's so busy doing nothing that she can't be bothered to have her wand with her at all times."

"Doesn't she work?"

Harry shook his head. "No, Malfoy. We have three kids. I'm not asking her to work when she's taking care of them. It's not like I even have to work if I don't want to."

"Is the job satisfaction that nice, then?"

Harry let more gin slide down his throat. "Yes."

"One of your children does go to Hogwarts. The others will soon. There are daycares. And, your wife could always take up hobbies as mine likes to do." Draco poured another measure of gin for himself and downed it. "Right. Onto Scotch, then?"

Harry said nothing as he finished his first drink. Draco poured him a second, and this one he practically poured down his own throat like he'd had to do with any number of Potions in the past. "Yes, Scotch," he said finally.

Draco Accioed another bottle over and poured them both generous helpings. This, Draco was slower to drink, but not by much. Harry tried to keep up the pace. "She's just not the woman I thought she was. Back then, she was just as angry at the world as I was, and wasn't afraid. Now, she's comfortably doing bloody nothing while I go meet her brother in the mornings to go wage war on the streets."

"I think the problem you're having here, Potter, is that you wanted to marry the pieces you liked rather than the whole... oh, what's that muggle thing? Ah, the whole enchilada. There's a spell to do that, illegal of course, but it doesn't come naturally."

Harry set his glass down and poked at the Snitch that roamed around his pajamas. It kept fluttering around his heart. "I just think that as soon as Albus Severus and Lily are in school, too, she won't change, and I'll end up hating her. Do you know that she didn't even want to help me name the kids? What mum doesn't?"

"Well, I don't know... it tends to be a Pureblood tradition for Wizard men to name sons, and Wizard women to name daughters. I don't know if the Weasley's would follow that, though, being as they are."

Stumbling off his chair, Harry grabbed for Draco's sleeve. "What? Blood traitors?"

"I merely meant less tradition-concerned. But, it's also tradition for Pureblood mothers to stay with their children whenever possible, even if you have nannies and the like."

Harry shook his head. "But, she's got to know that I don't follow that Pureblood shite!"

Draco shrugged and emptied his glass. "I'm merely playing Devil's Advocate. You know how I feel about Weasleys, Potter. I would have hated you more if you'd married Ron, though. This way, your children are Potters which is, at least, an acceptable name for my child to speak when talking about his friends."

It was getting hot in the room, Harry thought as he undid the buttons of his pajama top. "How would my-- Kids with Ron? What?"

Draco rolled his eyes. "Potter, there are even charms out there to temporarily pierce one's nipples. You'd think you had never seen magic before! Of course male wizards can become pregnant."

Holding onto his chair, Harry stood. "Draco, let's make a kid of our own without these stupid women and Weasleys."

"Potter--" No response. "Harry! No. I have no knowledge of the charm."

"Pity we couldn't at least practice," Harry said as he lay on the plush carpet and grabbed onto Draco's foot.

Draco shook himself off. "Honestly, Potter. Suggesting we have a child together? What would the neighbors think?"

Harry laughed and traced his own chest with his fingertips. "That you'd shagged Harry Potter."

Draco slid to the floor with him. "They would, wouldn't they? Hmm..." He shoved Harry. "Be honest -- do Ginny or Ron have a chance of beating me in a duel?"

"In a fair fight?" Draco gave him a dirty look. "What? Okay, a regular fight? Well, as long as you don't let Ron in close enough to actually hit you... and you ward against the Bat-Bogey Hex for Ginny."

There were several moments of silence as Draco debated the merits of screwing his boyhood enemy, and Harry marveled in the feeling of his own flesh as he stared at the ceiling. He couldn't be certain, but the painted effects looked like a glamour rather than something that had been charmed on.

"Okay, Potter. Let's shag."

Harry rolled ove on the floor. "Sounds lovely. Do hope you're better than Ginny with my cock, though. If it isn't in her, she doesn't know what to do with it."

Snorting back a laugh, Draco caught at the Golden Snitch as it rounded Harry's waistband. "Provided you tend to enjoy having done to you what I like having done to me, then I fancy it'll be the most brilliant shag of your life." He pulled down Harry's pants, then swallowed him to the root. It was the start of a beautiful, drunken night.

Hours upon hours later, Harry found the Golden Snitch pajamas, transfigured them back into his own clothes, then Scourgified them three times before putting them back on. He kissed Draco's sleep-wrinkled forehead, noticing that he hairline wasn't what it used to be, then went outside to take the Floo home. Ginny and Ron were sitting on the couch drinking coffee.

Before Harry could clean the soot off of his robes, Ginny practically exploded. "Where the hell have you been?" Ron stood up when his sister did, but said nothing at first.

Harry brushed himself off. "I've been out drinking," he said, as if it weren't obvious.

"You said you were going with Ron," Ginny said. "Only, here Ron is, just like he was last night."

"No. *You* said it was only okay to go if I went with Ron which is rubbish, especially since you couldn't even listen to me about my crappy day yesterday."

"If you'd told me-" Ginny started.

"If you'd been awake, I might have. But, no, you were asleep on the couch. And when you got up? You tried to make me Chicken Kiev when everyone knows I don't like it!" Ron nodded to this fact.

Ginny crossed her arms. "If you're not careful, I'll hex you," she said as clearly as she could between clenched teeth and pursed lips.

"Is that your answer to everything, Gin? The Bat-Bogey Hex? Try it. You think I managed to block The Unforgivables, but your little hex is going to take me down? Just try it. I'll curse you."

Ron jumped in now. "What are you doing, threatening my sister?"

Harry turned to his partner, though his wand was currently half-drawn toward Ginny. "Point of note, Ron- she threatened me first. I made no pysical advance. Under Wizarding Laws, those things we enfore every day, I have even right to respond in kind to her verbal threats. Funny how I knew that - must be why they put me in charge. Funny, also, how the fact that I'm in charge doesn't make you think in the slightest that I might have the tiniest idea of what I'm doing on the job, Ron!"

Ron sat down on the couch hard enough to send dust flying up. Harry closed his eyes and turned back to Ginny. "I'm not happy, Ginny. I- I don't think I love you anymore."

Ginny slapped him and then fell back with her chest heaving. "What are you on about? We have three kids! You want to leave us? And do what?"

"I could take the kids, you know. I named them, I changed all of their diapers, I walked with them and sang them lullabies at 4am, and I fed them. What did you do for them that I couldn't, Ginny?"

Her eyes were wide and her cheeks were scarlet. "I gave birth to them, Harry! I'd like to see you try that."

He snorted. "Funny, Draco Malfoy let me know he'd be happy to let me do just that last night."

"You were with Draco Malfoy?" Ron looked up at him from the couch where he was clutching his hands together with white-knuckled force.

Harry nodded. "Yes. I went to his place, we griped about Weasleys, and I realized that while I care about the lot of you, it doesn't mean that being part of the family itself will make me happy." He raked his fingers through his hair. "Ron, you're my best mate, you know that, but I can't take the fact that after 25 years, you can't believe in me. And, you, Ginny! I felt like I just had to have you! You were beautiful, and still are, but the woman I married wanted things out of life other than to let me lead her around by the nose." He watched Ginny walk to the couch and sit next to her brother again. "You're Weasleys, for Merlin's sake. Have some pride."

The look on Ginny's face was all it took to start Ron up again. "Shite, Harry, you made her cry!"

Harry conjured up another chair and sat down. "Look- I'm not trying to hurt either of you. But, let's be honest. Ron, we've saved each other's lives often enough that I trust you to be there for me. But, when I say that I've readied something, so you can do something else, you've got to listen and do it, or we could both end up very dead which is very hard to come back from. And, Ginny, I'm sorry about us. I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner. If I had, we wouldn't have wasted all this time."

Ginny sobbed into Ron's cloak. Ron patted Ginny's shoulder awkwardly. "Harry, I'm sorry about today. You're right. I shouldn't hesitate in the line of duty." He pulled Ginny closer. "Although, if this is at all about the stapling, I'll have you know it scares me. Nearly as bad as spiders, those staplers are! And, I've tried that spell you made up, but you know me- my precision spellwork is useless and I've stapled my sock more times than I can count."

Harry laughed half-heartedly. "I'm sorry, too, Ron, for being such a right git."

Ron nodded. "I'm going to go, now. I think the two of you need to talk without me around." He left his cloak with Ginny, hugged her tightly, and waved briefly at Harry over his shoulder as he disappeared into the Floo.

Ginny shrugged the cloak off. "What was I supposed to do, Harry? Leave the kids with mum and go out shopping every day?"

Harry stood up and Banished his chair. "If it would have made you happy? Yes." He walked off to the kitchen and got his own cup of coffee. When he came back, Ginny had stood up again. "C'mon, Harry, we can work this out, right? We worked it out when you didn't want the big wedding, right?"

"You mean, I relented. They had to publish the photos across three days of news in a special section, so I was accused of pomp and greed."

She picked up a book on the coffee table and threw it at him. "You slept with him, didn't you?"

"Yes," Harry said "And it was good."

"He's married with a child of his own, as well! Are you trying to break up everyone's family?"

Harry screamed and unconsciously torched a vase of fake flowers that he'd always hated. "Make up your mind! You love me, you hate me; it's for the kids, it's for us; Ginny, you're only holding on because you're afraid to let go. The kids would rather we split up than keep fighting, I'm sure. What would you rather do- keep on with me? A man you've grown to despise? Or would you like to cut your losses and go find some place you're happy?"

She sobbed in earnest again. "I just want to have the kind of marriage that my parents do!"

"Then we might as well go get divorced right now, then, because for as much as I like your dad, I'm not much like him. You are like your mom, though. And, that means you know how to make the best of everything. Ginny, what else can I do to convince you?" He reached over to touch her shoulder- to help calm her, but she was stiff. "Ginny?"

She stifled a sob. "Albus Severus, what are you doing in here?"

Their middle child raced to his mother and hugged her. "I was waiting on my lunch, Mummy, but no one was coming, so I came to find you." He patted her head awkwardly.

Ginny sniffled and sat up properly. "Is Lily waiting, as well?"

"Yes." Albus Severus looked back at Harry and then to Ginny again. "So, if you get divorced, is Daddy going to marry Scorpius' daddy?"

"Albus Severus! What have I told you about Extendable Ears?" Harry put his hand on the boy's shoulder.

"To always make sure to cast an Imperturbable Charm if you don't want things being overheard."

Harry laughed. "Point taken. Now, run back to the kitchen and keep an eye on Lily. Both of us will come and make your lunch in a few minutes, but we need to finish talking first, okay?"

Albus Severus kissed his mother's forehead and ran out of the room.

Ginny bowed her head slightly. "I'm sorry."

"I am, too, Gin. Neither of us did what we could to make this work- it would've meant changing the people that we are."

"Let's just... wait until Albus Severus is in school? Then, Lily can come with me."

Harry shook his head. "I hadn't figured on kicking you out, Ginny. This place is as much yours as it is mine, and you were the one who wanted to live closer to town. I can get a new place out in the country."

"We'll- We'll talk about it later. For now, out kids are hungry. Let's go feed them."

Harry helped her up and opened the door for her. "Come on, then."

It was several long months later that they put James and Albus Severus on the Hogwarts Express. They'd spent a good portion of the summer talking with each other and with the children, to decide what to do. They'd go tomorrow to finalize the divorce.

While standing and saying goodbye to the children, he found it comforting to be standing next to Ginny. Despite everything, she was still one of his best friends.

Standing on the platform with Ginny, Ron, and Hermione, he happened to glance up and see Draco Malfoy and his wife dropping off Scorpius. He hadn't talked to him in a while- not since *that* night. He'd stop by tomorrow night, when he was no longer a married man. He and Ginny still had a lot of their lives to go, but he wasn't going to waste his time worrying over maybes, or Weasleys.


End file.
